Thursday, May 29, 2008
not wanting to think abt anything,
but end up thinking abt everything..
sometimes we try our very best to understand,
but we end up understanding only a little..
hurt burns inside the body i hide from all..
family is no longer a word to say..
parents are meaningless..
words discarded are
>parents
>family
>home
>dad
>mum
i no longer have those..
hate is burning slowly into me..
i don't which to hate anyone,
but it's starting to hurt..
everything added from my past..
burns hatefully in me..
when will the world change for once?
to a peaceful place wif love?
am i suppose to be a 'DOG'
so that i can haf a peaceful life after that??
unreasonable and too much pride..
everything is SUPPOSED to follow their order or plan..
if it doesn't, threat threat and threat..
thats all they ever know how to do..
oh..
i'll go the police..
i'm no longer afraid of u goin to the police..
for i've done nothing wrong..
maybe u ppl should be thrown into jail..
i had this feelings that even if
u all were kidnapped and burned or runned down by cars,
i wouldn't shed a tear..
for the only one who really cared were my frds and brother..
HURTS BURNS..
Friday, May 23, 2008
time for a move out plan..
thou i cant think of one..
but there is a need to..
i know u ppl all care..
but i guess u all dun really know the situation..
u're all jus askin me to go back..
sayin that u cant choose ur family..
that's nothing more lyk home
and that i was jus in a fit of anger..
it wasn't anger that got into me..
i thought of this for a very long time..
but when it suddenly happened,
i agree i sorta lost myself..
i couldn't slp and ending up haven so much thoughts..
ppl always say i think too much..
do i??
i often wish for happy ending that nv will come..
for i'm a bad, evil and mean person..
and good things nv happen to bad ppl..
maybe i nv realised..
i nv knew anything abt myself from the start..
i always run away from the truth and myself..
from everything..
i know i often say i don't hate anyone..
i may dislike, but i don't know how to hate..
when u hurt me so deeply..
u're my kin..
i try to forget..
but it jus pops out of my head..
tellin me to get away..
its not that anyone's perfect..
it's jus that that was too hard to bear..
if that person was you..
how would u react??
i haf a stab of pain gushin thru my heart..
my life is suddenly so messed up..
i learnt from the past to keep smiling..
no matter how difficult it gets..
i'll jus haf to find a reason to smile and laugh..
but now..
i only haf frds..
wads family..
wads a real family suppose to be like?
i don't know anymore..
my heart's jus lost in the midst of the entire ocean..
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I dun know wad i intend to write..
But it's been so many days..
almost 2 weeks since i've blogged..
Life is turning to be a bore..
exams on 2nd of June..
and i'm still confused..
happiness dun come too often..
thats the saying rite?
not fitted for a relationship..
no feelings for a relationship..
no love for a relationship..
nothing..
i dun even know myself..
i dun even know who i really am?
whats inside of me..
wads hidden so deep inside..
is there really any happily ever after?
for there's only been once upon a time..
maybe i'm too bad a person for being..
therefore no happiness can come..
hurt is all i think i'll feel for i hurt ppl badly too..
ppl dun see me for someone they love..
even if they do, i end up not likin them..
quite messed up..
nor.. i'm starting to feel darn irritated..
by ur msges and calls..
stop contactin me..
and i think i've really gotta move out soon..
this hell hole is getting worst by the day..
freakin irritated to live here..
i wasn't silver spoon fed from young..
but at least i'm bronze spoon fed..
i hope i can take this..
it's been more than a week since my cough..
and until now, every now and than..
i cough till my throat start to hurt..
nose is still like the tap..
i need a plumber..
oh kay..
met up wif bestie jer jer..
more than a mth since i saw him..
everyone jus suddenly seem so moody this few days..
issit because of the humidity of the weather?
stupid global warming..
i feel freaking hot everyday..
why??
gosh..
when will this heat ever end..
PUT A STOP TO THIS..
Monday, May 12, 2008
Cassie- Is It You
I'm looking for a lover not a friend
Somebody who can be there when i need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you
[Bridge]
And i'm looking for someone who understands how i feel,
Someone who can keep me real and who knows (the way)
The way i like to have it my way
And i'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking you're the one that i've been waiting for
[Chorus]
Is it you? Is it you?
Maybe you're the one i've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? (Could you be?)
Could you be the one i need?
(X2)
I'm looking for someone to share my pain (Uh)
Someone who i can run to,
who would stay with me when it rains
Someone who i can cry with through the night
Someone who i can trust whose heart is right
And i'm looking for someone
[Bridge]
[Chorus](X2)
Someone who won't take me for granted
How much i care (How much i care)
And appreciates that i'm there
Someone who listens
And someone i can call who isn't afraid of love to share
[Chorus](X2)
life has turned into a BORE..
a total bore it is..
joy surrounds me in the midst of sorrows..
pain are blinded by the care..
i don't want a friend..
read the lyrics of my first song..
It Is You by Cassie..
get it??
i don't want to be there for you when you need me..
stop calling me in the middle of the night..
stop calling me once in a while..
only when you feel u need a friend..
come on..
even my brother treats you coldly..
now i finally understand..
i was too dumb..
giving you too many chances..
too dumb for me..
to believe..
to keep believing..
when i know hurt surplus me..
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
i hope that this nonsense would stop..
i'm trying to forget you..
no matter how my heart wishes to remember..
forgottence is the only word in my head..
halfway to that destination..
thats when you suddenly appeared..
breaking me to pieces once again..
i believed the rumours..
maybe they were true,
maybe they were lies..
but those affected me badly..
and i'm trying to run from them..
i'm trying my best to forget EVERYTHING..
the hurt, the pain, the lies..
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Marcos Hernandez - The Way I Do
Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night
Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I can't fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you
the way I do.
Your touch, your skin,
can't believe the way you let me in
Don't rush tonight,
I need you like the ocean needs the tide.
Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I can't fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you
the way I do.
I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I can't fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do
Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do
I love you
I need you
I want you..
the way I do
I love you
I need you
I want you..
the way I do
not goin to work because of studies..
because i had had hw to do..
yet i'm still not getting it done yet..
exams are cornering and i'm really fearing..
but i still ain't doing nothing about it..
what should i do right now?
playing soothing music...
having backaches every now and than..
a feel of being aged..
feel cold at one moment and hot and humid in another..
feeling so super hot this few days..
i felt so comfort when dm suddenly msged me..
to say he read my blog and realised my feelings..
i felt as though..
alas someone who cares..
haha..
but i know bastard, sher snd vig cares too..
i'm sure..
Friday, May 02, 2008
i just realise that love..
that's something that i can't be able to trust anymore..
telling me that u'll show me sincerity??
i don't see any sincerity at all..
everyone says one thing but means another..
i don't mean anything to anyone..
thats how hurt i feel..
maybe only to greggy, sher and vig..
i mean nothing to others..
people just want to know me for my looks..
what guys want from girls..
i'll never want to give it away..
for guys..
hated..
can't be trusted..
losing hope..
totally hurt hurt hurt..
hurt.. maybe, this was fate..
i was never meant to be in a relationship..
and maybe i can stay like this..
i don't know whats so so bad about me that people don't bother..
my attitude??
issit that bad?? do i make you hate me??
why do i feel as though my life was in a mess??
why do i feel hurt in my heart??
hurt i've never thought i would feel..
feeling out of everything..
out of hope even..
i feel so so darn useless..
i don't know what i'm suppose to do..
i don't know how to trust someone..
i fear many things..
far too many things..
hurt till my tears are hiding in my heart..
hurting me so much, bloating me up..
unable to cry it out..
it's not who can change me right??
it's whether i'm willing to change..
that how?? how am i suppose to change?
change to what then??
would someone please let me know..
feeling that maybe i should just lock myself up..
to pursue loneliness..
